That would be Southend. A good friend of mine convinced me last weekend to go down to his current digs at Southend, which for those of you who don't know is on the Thames Estuary. I went down for a couple of drinks, which ended up lasting for three days.

I was pissed for a large majority of it, but there was some very good insights. One is that I can talk quite easily to the opposite sex, including the goddess that was Laura who just went down for a wedding, you were gorgeous beyond belief! I found that very rarely I will for no reason slip into Scottish and have incredible trouble going back to English. To the girl who was dipping very special sherbet from her handbag and refused to tell me her name for a second time, I can only apologise for what was probably a shit fake accent all night.

Also, I learn that getting high can dismantle every instrument of a song and position it in the recording studio of your mind. It can turn your lungs into ghosts and your breath into steam. I'm not condoning it for anyone, but that wouldn't stop you if you really wanted to do it anyway. For me, the experience was very serene.

I like curries. Unfortunately, I was too pissed to remember the names of any of the parts that I liked, but at least there's something in there that I like.

I now know that there is at least one girl willing to snog me without knowing fuck all about me or even speaking to me, which has given me a boost when it comes to my physical self-esteem.

Most importantly, all of these things have told me something: I'm not broken. I am not alien. There are no dead parts inside me. The things that I believed were human and that I lacked were never missing, they're just buried. I don't expect to be cured, but I'm not thinking of it as an illness so much.

The weirdest part is that it makes it easier for me to talk about depression and social anxiety with people I know. I've decided that eventually I'm gonna like myself, and if the person I am doesn't make me happy, then I will change him.

For this, I owe Dan a million thanks. You are my brother from another mother and someone who genuinely makes a person feel better about themselves and the world around them. Thank you, my friend.

I was never dead.